


worthless

by kay_on_film



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AND THIS IS HOW I COPE, Angst, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This is really sad, because i enjoy causing pain, because i have multiple mental illnesses, enjoy, he kills himself guys, just like me, surprise its another vent fic, worthless by eli, yeah this one's a doozy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_on_film/pseuds/kay_on_film
Summary: His life wasn’t even all that bad. He had great friends, a loving family, everything anyone could want. Except… himself. He was the problem.------------------or, tommy decides he's had enough.(please please please read the tags. this is very sad and potentially triggering. stay safe <3)(also would you look at that its another vent fic zoowie-mama lets go)(this is a songfic inspired by the song worthless by eli.)
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, as always - Relationship, platonically - Relationship, sweet jesus pls dont ship minors
Comments: 12
Kudos: 164





	worthless

Tommy leaned back against the door, cigarette dangling on his lips as he listened to the faint sound of cars driving by below him. He wasn’t sure when the sky had darkened, but he found he was strangely content just watching the stars for what might be the last time. Or it might not. He didn’t even know anymore.

His life wasn’t even bad. He had amazing friends, a loving family, a dedicated fanbase that most kids his age could only dream of. Everything in his life was basically perfect. Except... himself. He was the problem. He was just always so fucking _sad_. He always seemed to fuck up everything he tried, something of which his friends and fans weren't hesitant to remind him, and after months of trying to push through and keep going, it had gotten to the point where he honestly didn’t know why he existed. He was a failure, just an anxiety-ridden screw up who had long since given in to the thoughts rocking around in his head, telling him he wasn’t good enough, that his friends hated him, that no one would ever be proud of him, that he was _worthless_. Worthless, worthless, worthless.

So, he’d decided to kill himself.

But he couldn’t even do that right, it seemed. He’d marched up the stairs of his apartment building to the roof, mind made up, at around 11am that morning. But after hauling himself onto the edge and just standing there for a moment, he’d just started _shaking_. He stumbled back onto the roof and before he knew it was curled up in a ball trying to ride out the sudden panic attack. The barrage of intrusive thoughts, painful tremors and seemingly endless tears just kept on coming though, so he was stuck listening to _you’re not good enough, you’re weak, you can’t even kill yourself right, you’re a mess, you should just die already_ for maybe half an hour before his heartbeat finally steadied and he was able to reopen his eyes.

He’d been up there since, stepping on and off the ledge multiple times, pacing back and forth, tearing at his hair, picking at the scabs on his wrists until he bled through his sleeves, punching the door to the stairwell until his knuckles split. And crying. There had been a lot of crying. But now, he was calm, tear tracks long since dry. Just, looking at the sky. He was sure the nicotine from his cigarette was helping some, but he knew it wasn’t just that. He knew it was because he’d finally made up his mind. He was done. Done with the medication, done with the pain, done with the endless hate comments and pitying laughs. He was just... done.

He pulled out his phone to send one last message.

_Tommy_

_this wasnt your fault. i wasnt strong enough. im sorry._

He took a deep breath, and then added one more thing.

_i love you._

He felt his phone slip out of his hand after hitting send, and he steadily walked back over to the edge. He stepped up, but then he turned around. If he were about to die, he wanted the stars to be the last thing he saw. So, there he was, wind rustling his hair, the sounds of the night around him, staring up at the sky. The stars were so beautiful.

He let himself fall backward to oblivion.

_Tubbo_

_what?_

_tommy dont u dare_

_tommy pleaseplease answer me_

_plese dont do this please i lov e you man_

_tomym plesae i need you_

_your emy best friend_

_tommy?_

_oh god_

**Author's Note:**

> well that was thoroughly depressing
> 
> here have a moe face (◍•ω•◍)
> 
> hope yall all have a great night, feel free to leave requests in the comments
> 
> lov u <3


End file.
